The Church Can Bless Queer Couples. But What’s Actually Possible?
Today’s post is from Bondings 2.0 contributor Lisa Fullam, D.V.M., Th.D., professor emerita, Jesuit School of Theology of Santa Clara University. Lisa’s previous posts on the blog are available here.
My first reaction to the Vatican’s formal permission for priests to bless same-sex couples in Fiducia Supplicans was skepticism. A friend texted me about the new document, and I replied “Crumbs…” Her response was “Better than the usual sharp stick in the eye.” She is right, though I still have my doubts, especially since the document explicitly affirms current teaching about marriage. But instead of being cranky, I began to think about what COULD be possible in light of this new teaching. So, in a spirit of Advent hope, I want to ask some questions about what’s permissible with this new teaching.
First, the rule: such blessing can’t be a matter of formal ritual, can’t be done in conjunction with a civil union ceremony, “Nor can it be performed with any clothing, gestures, or words that are proper to a wedding.” So…
Can this blessing take place inside a church? Why not? A person can get a rosary blessed inside a church, after all.
Could people invite friends? Why not? A person heading out on a pilgrimage might ask for a priest’s blessing before they go, and they might invite their friends for this send-off.
Can the to-be-blessed people dress up? Why not? It used to be standard for folks to dress more formally for church. They couldn’t go full-on wedding gown or tux, according to the document, but surely a nice suit would be OK.
Can rings be blessed? Why not? A scapular can be blessed, so surely rings can be blessed. I infer they couldn’t be ritually placed on the other person’s finger, but blessed nonetheless. And I don’t see why two people couldn’t trade such rings with each other, the same way one might trade prayer cards.
Could there be flowers in the church? Why not? There are Easter flowers and Christmas flowers and all manner of flowers in church throughout the year. It’d be a lovely contribution to the church from the to-be-blessed couple and their friends.
I wonder if, say, a layperson might be having a prayer service in the church (happens all the time) and a priest just happens to wander by and bless the couple en passant. If he were to wander in twice, once blessing the rings on his way by and again pausing to bless the couple, and in between, I don’t know, he could be puttering in the sacristy or maybe being a congregant in the lay-led prayer service. Why not?
Alternatively, there could be a regular daily Mass, and after, perhaps some light refreshments. Then, the informal blessing could happen not connected to the liturgy, but as a separate event afterwards, the way, e.g. a choir in a busy liturgical season might sing for a Mass, then stay after for their non-liturgical rehearsal. Why not?
This isn’t mere Jesuitical (in the best sense!) norm-pushing, or simple snarkiness from me—I want to see how this new permission can be extended to affect the life of the Church more broadly. If this new permission is taken seriously, it can foster a greater change in the Church toward the eventual true equality of LGBTQ+ people, an equality that is theirs by right as children of God. After all, lex orandi, lex credendi: how we pray forms or builds how we believe; there is literal and spiritual catechesis in the very practice of prayer. When a couple meets in church, maybe a little dressed up, maybe with some flowers, and maybe rings to be blessed, to pray and to ask God’s blessing from a minister of the Church, over time such events might help to shift the larger Church toward justice and solidarity, toward the day when love is celebrated equally.
And this is a specifically Advent-flavored hope. In this season we notice the already-but-not-yet of the reign of God. In the lengthening days we await the birth of light and salvation in our world, starting with the birth of one small, apparently insignificant baby in what is now the West Bank. We open our eyes to the presence of the reign of God within us and among us already, if incompletely. We yearn for the completion of God’s hope for the world, and recommit ourselves to working for it.
What’s Advent-y here in Fiducia Suplicans? There’s been precious little in the “already” category regarding LGBTQ+ people in magisterial teaching to date. But the Church is the whole People of God. The Church, at least in some places, can see that “already” in the lives, loves, and witness of queer Catholics, building community, forging families, and challenging the larger Church—even the magisterium—to see the Spirit at work in their courage and hope in the face of official condemnation and disdain.
The already is at work when queer Catholics stand up and ask God’s blessing in an imperfect Church, trusting that God’s grace will give them strength in their partnerships, and that their standing up to be blessed can change the Church in return. The “not yet” of true equality still waits before us, surely, but the glimmer in the darkness from this shift in teaching is a pointer to the possibilities that await if we continue our work and our prayer. Can the official teaching of the Church come to recognize and value the lives and loves of queer Catholics? Why not?
—Lisa Fullam, December 23, 2023
Since Fiducia Suplicans was released I have been meditating on its positive implications for all the people of God. He is just one thought: I believe that All blessings are universal not just personal. It this is true then there is a greater Grace that will come from blessing some sex couples. The Grace of changing hearts that are open to change as well as a witness to God’s unconditional love. Pope Francis is casting Seeds not crumbs. I think Lisa Fullman implies that when she writes “…over time such events might help to shift the larger Church toward justice and solidarity, toward the day when love is celebrated equally.” Bro. Thomas Berube, SSE
Well said
Excellent “what if” questions. Yesterday I was pondering the ritual of blessing animals on the feast day of St. Francis of Assisi. If animals can be formally blessed with the priests or deacons on vestments, why not people, regardless of their status?
The emphasis on same-sex couples has eclipsed the blessings of those possibly not in perfect standing with the Church, such as a heterosexual couple who have been divorced, but who have not had their previous marriage annulled.
Withholding grace, caring, and love is mean, selfish, judgmental, and unChristlike. Who needs the community’s caring more — those in good standing or those on the fringes?
Thank you, Lisa, for such a calm, open-hearted, hopeful and realistic way to move with the Spirit into the justice of God at Christmas.
Thanks, Lisa, for looking on the bright side. As much as I resist the bright side, especially when it comes to the Catholic Church and the LGBTQIA+ community, I think you’re right that if one must choose between hope and despair, the better one is hope.
Excellent! I wonder if the sign of cross will be permitted by the clergy blessing the couple?
We are a Church of so many different cultures. And the issues around human sexuality are powerful, difficult and even fearsome for so many. Loving our neighbors as ourselves is a challenge made more complicated by our personal, cultural and social limitations, our fears, prejudices and desires. Some will find this too much…some will see it as too little. Thank you Dr. Fullam for kind, thoughtful and stimulating questions and comments. The challenges to accept each other and to love each other and to nurture the Gospel in each other are part of that command of Jesus, which he called “the first and greatest commandment”. “The Book of Blessings”, from the NCCB, makes it clear that it is God Who blesses and God’s people are to seek that blessing. I am also grateful for Brother Thomas’ insight, above, that Pope Francis is casting “seeds, not crumbs.” How do we nurture these seeds in love? How do we grow in love of God and each other? How can we continue to hold each other up for blessing and nourishment?
Great creative thinking about reaching for inclusion— especially when an opening has occurred. Something gospel worthy has to begin to happen
Thank you, Lisa, for finding a bit of hope in these words and sharing it.
When my parents married in 1943 they had to be married in the rectory since my mother was not (and never became) a Catholic. If they were to marry today the marriage ceremony can take place in a Catholic church. So, who knows how ‘blessing same sex couples’ will evolve. We can only guess and hope!!!!
Thank you, as always, Lisa, for your wisdom and clarity. Bill
This is exactly the kind of thinking those in opposition of FS are worried about–the creative “work around.” The “pastoral blessing,” this document is citing has always been available to all. Families went to the alter for a blessing at church last Sunday and one little boy held up his toy dinosaur to be blessed too. These kind of blessings have to remain as such: spontaneous, nothing liturgical.