New Book Explores “Theology for the Unwanted”

Dan Tillson

Today’s post is from guest contributor Daniel C. Tillson, the author of  Theology for the Unwanted: Reclaiming Your Place in the Church, recently published by Paulist Press. Dan is a traditionally-minded gay Catholic and former advisor to the Holy See on issues impacting immigration across the Western Hemisphere. He now helps those feeling unwanted by the Church find their path forward exactly as God made them. 

In March 2023, I remember being an exhausted Capitol Hill staffer running on fumes and knowing the Easter break was in sight. All I wanted was a minute or two between meetings to catch my breath. That’s when an intern for a Republican senator stopped me in the elevator.

 “Excuse me, are you Mr. Tillson?” he asked.

Unsure why or how he had found me, I instinctively handed him a business card assuming he wanted to network.

He wasn’t looking for a job; he was homeless. He was reeling from rejection by his parents over his sexual orientation, yet at the same time, he genuinely desired to stay close to Jesus. He attended the Latin Mass and performed rigorous penances. From my vantage point, his faith was sincere but also deeply wounded by a sense of non-belonging.

He was also able to say the words “Jesus loves me.” Maybe he even believed it intellectually. But deep down, love is not what he felt.

That encounter plagued me. We have it all wrong! The Catholic idea of holiness has become for too many of us a lengthy checklist of rules. Faith has become a place where we feel pressured to hide something.

I know this from my own experience. As a young adult, I was told to hide my sexuality—even from priests—and was assured that if I did, everything would be OK. In college, I built up a truly sizable Catholic social network of friends. In a way, it was my insurance plan in case I never ended up having my own family. None of them knew the suffering I was holding deep down.

In 2018, following the haunting revelations of rampant sexual abuse by Theodore McCarrick, who had been the Archbishop of Washington, DC,  I couldn’t stand it anymore. If we were preaching truth, why were some in the parish telling me to hide things about myself?

The process of coming out for Catholics arriving from traditional circles can be very painful. For me, I lost a lot of friends. The grief I felt from that abandonment also made me realize why so many go to lengths to hide things about themselves.

There must be a better way.

That is why my book, Theology for the Unwanted: Reclaiming Your Place in God’s Church, starts with a very surprising anecdote. I ask the reader to reflect on the first days following World War II. Imagine the average young European soldier returning home to find his childhood house reduced to ruins and memories.  

In those moments, there were no rules, processes, high traditions. There was only rubble. And so, they took the charred bricks in front of them and began building makeshift shelters.

It is in precisely these moments of grief when Catholic theology begins to shine. Theology is nothing more than reality.

Sometimes I encourage struggling LGBT Catholics to think of themselves as charred bricks. Following the clergy sex abuse scandals of the last two decades, the Church must rebuild, and it cannot do it without you.

For those who know the history leading up to Vatican Council II, the continental destruction and process of rebuilding much of Europe after WWII freed the minds of the faithful. Development in the Church may not have been possible without it.

My book looks at the very long history of change in the Church and explores how the ever-growing understanding of what it means to be created in God’s image and likeness has always led us on a grand adventure of faith, even if it is sometimes tense. And using the methods of faithfully developing theology, the book explores three ways the future Church might develop its own teaching in order to more fully recognize the dignity of LGBT persons. 

I’d like to close with a generous quote about the book from Bishop Felix Gmur, a Swiss Catholic Bishop who has taken great personal risks in his ecclesial career in order to support victims of physical or spiritual abuse:

“At a time when the Catholic Church is balancing its rich traditions with the demands of modernity, Daniel Tillson offers an insightful word of encouragement. With great sensitivity, he sheds light on the challenges of living as a queer Christian. This book can accompany anyone who wants to reconcile their faith and their identity and is looking for a home and acceptance in the church.

“It is my conviction that every person who is searching for God – even if they may not yet have the courage to talk about certain parts of their life – is a valuable gift for the Catholic community. It is a moment of joy. No one needs to be afraid of the tension that arises when one begins to seek Jesus Christ in his or her life. Those who strive for holiness sometimes take a great personal risk, and the Church is slowly learning to support this search and accompany people on this lifelong journey.”

—Daniel C. Tillson, December 19, 2025