Nun’s Spiritual Journey Mirrors Those of Trans People She Accompanies

Phoebe Carstens

Today’s post is by Phoebe Carstens, a regular contributor to Bondings 2.0.

As a transgender Catholic, I draw immense hope from the example and ministry of Sr. Luisa Derouen, OP, who has not only affirmed the spiritual reality of trans Catholics, but who has also provided an invaluable demonstration of how cisgender Catholics can understand the trans experience. 

I remember how good it felt when I was younger and discovered the ministry of Fr. James Martin. I already knew at that point that I was gay, and discovering a public figure–a priest, no less– affirming the existence and dignity of people who were both gay and Catholic felt like seeing the sun peek over the horizon. It was my first introduction to the world of LGBTQ+ ministry, and it marked the end of a particular loneliness that I had carried with me for as long as I had self-awareness.

When I finally accepted the fact that I am trans, however, I felt that loneliness creep back in. Though I knew and loved who I was, and I felt assured that God knew and loved who I was, I could not escape the loneliness of longing for community, longing to be seen and affirmed by the faith community that I loved. It was, at times, exhausting to love the Catholic Church so fiercely, knowing all the while that such a large part of the Church seemed committed to ignoring or misunderstanding a key aspect of my identity. 

Sister Luisa Derouen, OP

Discovering the work of Sr. Luisa was another much-needed sunrise moment in my life. At the time, seeing a dedicated Catholic, committed to the Church and committed to her vows, publicly affirming that transgender people exist and that we deserve to exist felt monumental. That first introduction to Sr. Luisa’s work was an important milestone for me: it was a reminder that there are other Catholics out there who see me as part of the Church and who want me to be there. 

Over time, as I progressed in my own work of studying transgender theology and spirituality, I have come to a deeper appreciation of another gift of Sr. Luisa’s ministry: although she is not trans, she has committed herself to seeking to understand the trans experience, and she has recognized the ways that her own experience as a vowed religious mirrors that of a trans Catholic. In doing this work, she demonstrates how the transgender journey–much like any other vocational journey– can be a deeply spiritual one.

In a recent interview with Queer Kentucky, Sr. Luisa shared some insights into her own journey. Her desire and conviction to minister to trans people arose from prayer and her own experiences of mistreatment, judgement, and abuse: “I could just relate with being made invisible and condemned for something I could do absolutely nothing about,” she said. “God put love in my heart for [trans people] out the starting gate.”

When much of her early work was done anonymously, she struggled with questions of safety and visibility– a struggle trans people know well. Her “closeted” work of ministering to trans people echoed the experience of a closeted trans person: feeling called by God to a certain truth or work, but resisting due to fear and outside pressure; then ultimately accepting that calling and accepting who God says she is and how God is calling her to live, no matter the risks. Her account of embracing her public ministry–much like a trans person embracing their trans identity–is a moment of saying ‘yes’ to God:

“I stood at the edge of the cliff and jumped. And I did not know if there was going to be anything to catch me. And I had to be prepared. I had to be prepared to leave the community. I had to be prepared to leave religious life. I had to be prepared for whatever…[Coming out] was without a doubt the most consequential, powerful, terrifying, graced, freeing decision of my life…I remember I was standing in the kitchen saying, ‘this is what it feels like not to hide. I don’t have to hide… From the day I made that decision, I was never afraid again.’”

In drawing parallels between her vocational spiritual journey and the spiritual journey of trans people, Sr. Luisa provides an invaluable insight: trans people are engaging in holy discernment, work that is not outside of or contrary to God, but rather deeply rooted therein. She shows other cisgender Catholics that the lives of trans Catholics are not actually so different, incomprehensible, or strange, but instead much like their own. This gives me hope, because she is helping to build the Catholic community–embracing trans and cis members alike–for which  I have always prayed. 

—Phoebe Carstens, New Ways Ministry, September 16, 2025