Holy Doors, Closet Doors, and Doors to Oz: Father Mychal Judge and LGBTQ+ Pilgrimage

When, not if, Father Mychal Judge, OFM, becomes canonized a Catholic saint, today will be his feast day. It was on this day, 24 years ago, that the gay Franciscan who was chaplain of the New York City Fire Department died at the World Trade Center during the 9/11 attacks. While he could have fled to safety with other city officials when the danger was becoming threatening to those on the ground, he chose to stay and minister to the injured and dying, police officers, firefighters, civilians, including those who leapt to their deaths as the Twin Towers began to be incinerated and crumble.

I thought of Father Judge earlier this week when I was reflecting on my experience of taking part of the LGBTQ+ pilgrimage for the Jubilee Year at the Vatican five days ago. The primary and essential action of the pilgrimage is to walk through the Holy Door of any of the appointed churches.  In our case, it was St. Peter’s Basilica.

As I was preparing for the pilgrimage, I thought that walking through a doorway was an odd ritual.  On the plane ride to Rome, I watched The Wizard of Oz as a way to relax, and I thought of the Holy Door ritual when Dorothy’s house drops down in Oz, and through the wizardry of cinema, when she opens the house door and walks through to this strange new reality, the film color changes from sepia monochrome to dazzling full color—probably quite a special effect feat for 1939!

Dorothy opens the door to Oz.

Nothing as outwardly spectacular when I crossed the threshold of the Santa Porta of St. Peter’s, but, as I described in an earlier post, the inward experience was certainly far beyond anything that even modern filmmaking could replicate.

As I reflected on my experience of walking through the Holy Door,  I realized that in our lives we all walk through many doorways to new realities.  We sometimes imagine our lives through the metaphor of a journey, but another way is to think of it as choosing (or not choosing) to walk through doorways that are presented to us.  We all have to make decisions–some minor, some major, at various parts of our lives, and when we choose to walk through a doorway to a new stage of life, we often close the door on the past in a way, at best when we give up old practices, attitudes, and habits that have hampered our further development.

LGBTQ+ people, in particular, often have a special door to go through: the closet door.  When one takes the step to open that closet door, walk through, and close it behind, it is a particular moment of grace.  That stepping through the closet door usually doesn’t happen just once in a lifetime.  It often has to be performed over and over again as one becomes more confident in their identity as an LGBTQ+ person.  Going through the closet door is truly stepping through a holy portal. It changes life from the drab sepia tones of the Kansas sets to the wonderful burst of life in full and blazing color on the other side of the rainbow.

Which brings me back to Father Mychal Judge.  As someone born in 1933, and who didn’t come to fuller acceptance of his gay identity until 45 or 40 years later, Fr. Judge’s pilgrimage to opening the closet door and shutting it behind him was a long one, though not unusually long for someone of his generation (and still the same for many people today).  In a journal he kept which was dedicated to his coming out process, he included one of the most beautiful lines about the holiness of self-acceptance and revelation to others:

“Sexually, I am alive as I can be.  The thoughts, the drives, the desire are there always. . . . And you, Lord, are always there and you so nicely remind me to call on you and show me your presence.  I love you.”

To be able to say “I am alive as I can be” is an indication that Fr. Judge had very strongly closed the closet door of fear and shame, and had stepped into a world where he could fully be himself.  And, a big part of that new life came from his awareness of God’s love and his decision to love God in return.

The shrine to Father Mychal Judge, All Saints Pairsh, Syracuse, New York, depicting the first responders carrying his body from the World Trade Center rubble.

Mychal Judge also went through another important door in his life: the door to the World Trade Center on 9/11.  It was, no doubt, his most fateful door. Along with all the courageous first responders, Father Judge chose a door of service which was frought with danger. Why would he do that? In the afterword to the biography of Mychal Judge that I wrote for Liturgical Press’ “People of God” series, I ventured an answer:

“Father Mychal Judge ran into the fiery inferno of a crumbling building as others were running out of it.  Why did he put himself into a dangerous situation when the option to stay in a safety zone was available to him? . . .

“By running into the North Tower of the World Trade Center so that he could minister to those suffering, Judge was responding in a way that had become second nature to him.  His 68 years of life, prayer, community, and ministry had made him into a person who valued relationship over self, service over prestige, the suffering Christ over power and riches.”

Going through that door led Mychal through a very important door: the Gate of Heaven. Most of us will not likely have as dramatic a situation to go through in our lives as he did, but let’s pray we will be able to choose the doors of service whenever and wherever God presents them.

Fr. Judge composed a prayer he would share with others that I think can help to respond to God’s invitations. The brief text contains not only his hope that God leads him through whatever doors are presented in life, and ends with a bit of his practical, Irish wit:

“Lord, take me you where want me to go. Let me meet who you want me to meet. Tell me what you want me to say, and keep me out of your way.”

  It is a prayer for all of us, as we continue our pilgrimages, walking through the holy doors of life.

—Francis DeBernardo, New Ways Ministry, September 11, 2025

The biography, Mychal Judge: ‘Take Me Where You Want Me to Go,’ by Francis DeBernardo, is available through New Ways Ministry or Liturgical Press.