Catholic Lesbian Religious Educator Evaluates Progress in the Church

“This church is our home, which we don’t want to give up,”  said Mirjam Gräve, a lesbian religion teacher at a Catholic school in Bonn, Germany in an interview with the German website Katholisch.de. “We are here. I continue to advocate for the need for change. I’m not without hope: There are inclusive and welcoming approaches within the church that also appeal to us.”

Mirjam Gräve

Gräve is a part of #OutInChurch, a movement of out Catholic LGBTQ+ church workers in Germany, and she is also a spokesperson for the Network of Catholic Lesbians. In the interview, she reflected on her work in #OutInChurch, being part of a Catholic lesbian family, and her relationship to the Catholic church.

Although the #OutInChurch movement brought public awareness to the fact that LGBTQ+ people serve the church in professional and ministerial roles, she notes that there has long been a history of such service:

“I’m definitely proud of “OutInChurch” and what it has set in motion. But what’s important to me is that queer Christians were already involved before. . . . I can be proud of many achievements of gay people in the church; we show ourselves and contribute. What I’m not proud of, however, is my homosexuality itself, because I’ve had it since birth. It’s my gift from God. I wouldn’t use the term ‘pride’ for that.”

Gräve mentioned  that being a lesbian woman in the church has made her have to stop to discern some simple items. Though blessings are permitted and even encouraged in the German church, she said that she and her wife will not request a blessing for our marriage because we are not supplicants – our love is already blessed by God, and we bless each other. That’s how it is with married couples. Having to expect a rejection from a parish when we request one – that’s not something we want.”  

Gräve says that on a personal level, such as interacting with bishops, she often recognizes strong acceptance, however there are limits:

“In personal contact –including with bishops – I experience that they fully accept me and my way of life. But the Catechism hasn’t been changed yet, and there’s no sign of that happening. Chastity is still imposed on me. The discrimination is there – even in people’s minds. Given the shift to the right in society, my concerns are also growing. In some countries, including Europe, bishops are actively involved in the increasing marginalization of queer people.”

And as a woman who is a lesbian, she recognizes that Catholicism can be extremely challenging:

“As lesbians, we face double discrimination. Being a woman in the church isn’t easy, because women’s rights continue to be trampled upon, especially with regard to women’s priesthood. Then there’s the issue of homosexuality. In a structure full of male groups, this is a double exclusion. Sometimes the perpetrator-victim relationship even reverses: Because I ask uncomfortable questions, I’m suddenly the bad guy. Yet it’s precisely queer people who have suffered and continue to suffer at the hands of the church. Often, there’s still a lack of awareness of these experiences of exclusion. After all, standing up for discriminated people is central to the Christian message.”

Despite these limitations, as well as seeing greater welcome from other churches,  Gräve says that she and her wife will remain Catholic:

“My wife is a religious education teacher at Caritas [a Catholic international development ministry], and I am a Catholic religious education teacher. We both have a traditional Catholic upbringing. This church is our home, which we don’t want to give up. We are here. I continue to advocate for the need for change. I’m not without hope: There are inclusive and welcoming approaches within the church that also appeal to us.”

—Elsie Carson-Holt, New Ways Ministry, August 1, 2025