Unopened Packages

Sandra Worsham

Today’s post is by guest blogger Sandra Worsham, a retired English teacher, who had been dismissed from her parish’s music ministry because of her relationship with another woman. Her story is featured in Cornerstones: Sacred Stories of LGBTQ+ Employees in Catholic Institutions.

I grew up in the Southern Baptist Church. When I was nine years old, the Preacher came into our Sunday School class and said that it was time for us to be baptized. He explained that we could give our hearts to Jesus and that baptism was a symbol of that act. I was baptized by immersion in a blue baptismal pool at the front of the church behind red curtains that were pulled back on the days of baptisms. I remember standing in a room beside the pool, wearing a white garment, looking down the steps that led into the water where the preacher stood waiting to receive me and the other members of my Sunday School class. And I remember the feeling I had when the preacher said the words, “I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost,” the feeling of rising to new life when the preacher raised me up out of the water. I didn’t know at the time that I had just received a Sacrament that would “count” when I became a Catholic, years later.

Part of being a Baptist meant that I joined the Girls’ Auxiliary, or G.A.’s as we called it. Being a G.A. meant that I would progress through what were called Forward Steps, completing certain tasks in order to progress from Maiden, to Lady-in-Waiting, to Princess, to Queen. The tasks involved memorizing the birthdays of the foreign missionaries and where in the world they were located, making posters of various Baptist beliefs and putting them up in the Sunday School room, and memorizing lots and lots of Scripture.

In the gospel reading of last Sunday’s liturgy (Luke 11: 1-13), I recognized a passage that I had memorized as a G.A. “And I tell you, ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”

My coming out as a gay woman corresponded with my becoming a Catholic. That may seem strange, but it was my way of trying not to be gay, for I was filled with internalized homophobia. I wanted to be, as I said then, “as good as I could possibly be.” Being good meant that I would not be gay. I would refuse. I would change myself. And I would never have to feel guilty again. I was in my twenties, and I was bargaining with myself and with God.

           Over the years since I became Catholic, and since I admitted to myself that I am gay, I have found that the Catholic Church is where I feel closest to God and where I can pray. Really pray. In Sunday’s gospel passage,  Jesus teaches us how to pray by giving us the Lord’s Prayer. It is also the passage which teaches us to ask when we pray. Now, in my old age, I have realized that God loves me just as I am and that I have a place in the Catholic Church, just as I am. When I kneel before the Blessed Sacrament, I feel that God really wants to know my desires from the depths of my heart.

I have heard a joke in which somebody goes to Heaven and asks St. Peter, “What are all those boxes over there?” St. Peter answers, “Those are all the gifts that nobody ever asked for.” I believe with all my heart that God wants to know what we want and need. And, although God probably already knows our wants, He wants us to ask. It is part of our relationship with God, our way to show that we believe that God is our Redeemer and we are His subjects. I think many people believe that they are being selfish if they ask Jesus for things, even little things.

But I believe in asking for everything, even the littlest things that are in our hearts. My dog is elderly, and I often ask God to help her to sleep through the night. When my checking account gets low, I ask God to help me be more frugal and to stop spending money on things I don’t need. I ask God to help me take care of my body, to remind me to exercise and not to eat too many sweets. And I always ask God to help me write, to send me the words He wants me to say. And now that I am married, I ask God to help me have patience with my wife and to help me be a good wife to her. I feel that God blesses our marriage every day.

In the Rosary Novena, we have Petition prayers, but we also have Thanksgiving prayers. We must remember to say thank you, regardless of whether or not we “get what we ask for.” God has more answers than Yes or No. There’s “Not now,”  “Maybe later,” and, “Wait and see,” among others. Not hearing “Yes” does not mean that God has not answered our prayers. This is where Trust comes in–the belief that God will always give us what is best for us and that what we want may not always be what we need. In my prayer life, I don’t want to leave any unopened packages!

–Sandra Worsham, July 30, 2025