Coming Out and Seeing a New Heaven and a New Earth
Jim McDermott
Today’s reflection is from Jim McDermott, who is a freelance writer in New York.
Today’s liturgical readings for the Fifth Sunday of Easter are available here.
A couple weeks ago I was walking through Hell’s Kitchen in New York City where I live, and out of the corner of my eye I noticed an older man sitting in the window of a quiet bar, having a drink. He had on an open flannel shirt and blue jeans, and my God was he handsome. An older Paul Newman kind of handsome, weathered and at ease in himself.
I was attracted to the guy, sure. But more than that I felt grateful to have walked down this street and seen him, and for the somersaults my stomach went through when I did.
When I saw the psalm response for this week, “I will praise your name for ever, my king and my God,” that moment rushed back to mind. I was out to friends for a long time before I came out publicly. As a priest, my sexual orientation was understood as something to be kept to myself. When I did come out, I didn’t think it would make any difference in how I saw the world. I thought that doing so was more about how the world saw me, and my own desire to be honest.
But no matter how much I thought I was at home with myself, coming out did change my experience of the world. I became aware that I had spent a lot of my life overlooking or perhaps even running away from the things that might make my heart pound, like a gobsmackingly-handsome man in a window. And with that, I’d also disconnected myself from a lot of gratitude and wonder. And it really was, as today’s second reading describes, like “I now saw a new heaven and a new earth.” And it has brought so much more depth and substance to the idea of praising God’s name.
One of the things I love about the Easter season is the idea that it is a season of commissioning, a season in which we take on or are invited to new ministries. It’s often the season that parishioners are installed in new ministries within their community, and priests and deacons get ordained. It’s also the season in which our young people graduate from schools and receive the sacrament of confirmation, itself a kind of commissioning into authority and leadership within the church.
Being queer, this can get complicated. Some church leaders send signals that we have gifts to share within the community of the church. Even when the Pope himself said transgender Catholics could be baptismal sponsors, the backlash was so strong his action almost did more to reinforce the opposite. And no matter how much we develop our own personal relationships with God, it can also be hard to expunge that little voice inside that says there really is something wrong with us, something bad. Or at least that’s how it is for me.
But hearing today’s psalm and remembering the gratitude and actually downright awe I felt at catching that glimpse of beauty, a beauty I only know because I am gay, I wonder whether our points of view are not themselves the gift we’re meant to share in the church, the things we see and experience as queer people, the gratitude that bubbles up its own kind of commissioning into leadership and authority.
I once saw Bishop Richard Sklba do confirmations in Milwaukee. Rather than a dainty little cross on the forehead, he slathered the oil on each teenager’s head. “God’s love for us is recklessly extravagant,” he told the congregation. I think that’s how I felt seeing that man, like a witness to the reckless extravagance of God’s love.
I’m still learning to appreciate these eyes God has given me to see, this heart that leaps (and sometimes belly flops), this new heaven and earth. But I wonder if sharing moments like this where I am a witness to God’s ridiculous, extravagant love both within and around me, rather than a source of embarrassment, isn’t what it actually means to follow in Jesus’ footsteps and be a queer Catholic in his church.
–Jim McDermott, May 18, 2025
Love this piece. God’s love is described beautifully. Blessings, Jim!
Ditto.
Wonderful! Thank you, Jim. This is an excerpt from my recent post on NWM blog: It reminds me of your reaction to beauty…
“One image of St. Augustine’s that should impact Pope Leo XIV’s approach to leading the Church: St. Augustine called God “Beauty.” Before reading Augustine’s Confessions, I had never heard of God spoken of as Beauty.
Late have I loved you, O Beauty so ancient and so new;
late have I loved you!
Lo, you were within, but I outside seeking there for you,
and upon the shapely things that you have made I rushed headlong,
I misshapen.
You were with me, but I was not with you.
They held me back far from you,
those things that would have no being
were they not in you.
You called, shouted, broke through my deafness;
you flared, blazed, banished my blindness;
you lavished your fragrance, I gasped, and now I pant for you.
I tasted you, and I hunger and thirst;
you touched me, and I burned for your peace. (Bk. 10, 38)
LGBTQ people know a lot about this hunger and thirst. We are certainly aware of passion for “shapely things”–for other human beings as well as creation and God–the Beauty, who created them and ourselves. We have wrestled our whole lives with owning the beauty that we are, including our sexuality. This is our gift to the world and Church.
So, let me say it simply: my hope for the new Pope Leo XIV is that he experiences this Beauty as a true Augustinian, and that as Pope of the whole Church he shows us how to see this Beauty in others, especially those who are marginalized in society and the Church. We can help him. He can help us. We will. He will. Shock and awe…and the joy of Easter to you all, Alleluia!”
I appreciate the Augustinian reference. Beauty takes your breath away and inspires at the same time. Respiration of the soul.
Thanks, Jim: a beautiful reflection — and eminently relatable for me. Except for the “as a priest” part, I have experienced all the things you mention, and I’m grateful for them all, even the uncomfortable ones.
Thank you, Jim! I’ve enjoyed your perspective for years and hope to do so for many years. This is terrific!!
On point, for so true! Last week, for me it was the man who showed up to do my home inspection. My daydream incarnate. I thought of the miraculous and God’s gifts myself.
Thank you Jesus.
And thank you, Jim. I hope we hear more from Jim in this forum.
Beautiful, Jim. Thank you. I’ll be reflecting on this.