Apostle Thomas’ Audacious Doubt Is a Gift LGBTQ+ Catholics Share

Today’s reflection is by Bondings 2.0 contributor Phoebe Carstens.

Today’s liturgical readings for the Second Sunday of Easter can be found here.

I’ve always had a soft spot for the Apostle Thomas, one of the central figures in today’s Gospel reading. He is often remembered for his apparent “doubt,” given his refusal to believe that the Risen Lord appeared because he did not see  Him for himself. However,I have always felt this was an unfair assessment of his situation. In his insistence on seeing Jesus for himself, Thomas displays a characteristic that is shared with the “blessed” ones who see without believing: audacity. And it is this audacity, this boldness, that so many queer Catholics can resonate with as we claim a faith and a God that transcends human division and doubt. 

To believe without seeing certainly is an audacious act, and for this reason Jesus declares those who “have not seen and have believed” to be “blessed.” Many queer Catholics may find themselves taking this posture, given that though it is encouraging and hopeful that there seems to be increasing support for queer Catholics,unfortunately it is also true that there is much progress still to be made. We may believe in and hope for a vision of Catholicism that we ourselves have not yet seen or experienced firsthand. Many of us still have not seen a parish community that truly manifests the all-inclusive welcome of Christ. Some of us have not seen the image of Christ acknowledged and embraced by others in the life experience of a gay or trans person. Some of us have not seen the mercy of God reflected in the actions of family, friends, and Church leaders. 

And yet, even without seeing these things firsthand, we still believe. We believe in a God of love and mercy even when the actions of others obscure that vision. We believe that Catholicism is our home, even when the ‘welcome’ sign is sometimes hidden. Even when our lives are marked by suffering, exclusion, and pain, we still cling to the Easter hope of resurrection, the fullness of life, and of the “signs and wonders” of God’s power, even if we have not yet received them ourselves. It is for this reason that Jesus declares that those among us who can believe without seeing are truly blessed–because their faith is indeed audacious.

But I would argue that the blessedness does not end there. Although many interpretations cast a critical gaze upon Thomas, seeing only his doubt and his seemingly insufficient faith which demands proof in order to believe, I have always felt that this isn’t a very charitable way of understanding him. 

I can only imagine how gutted Thomas must have felt when he heard the other disciples’ news of their amazing encounter with Christ. What might he have been thinking: Jesus just happened to pick his time to show up when everyone was around but me? Did he not care that I wasn’t there? Didn’t Jesus want to appear to me, too?

Perhaps his response to the disciples, that “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands and put my finger into the nail marks and put my hand into his side, I will not believe,” was not simply disbelief, but rather a sort of prayer. An audacious request indeed: Lord, I want to experience you for myself. I want to feel you with my own hands, see you with my own eyes. 

After all, the other disciples–as the beginning of the Gospel reading tells us–got to see Jesus and observe his hands and his side without even having to ask. Like Thomas, they believe and rejoice only after they’ve seen Jesus. The only difference is, Thomas had the audacity to ask. 

Here, too, queer Catholics may feel a resonance with their own posture of belief. So many of us, excluded or marginalized by our church communities, ultimately demand to see and claim Jesus for ourselves, on our own terms, when we realize that there is no gatekeeper or fence that separates us from encountering God. We seek to claim our own testimony, to uncover the truth of Christ within our own experience rather than rely on the claims of others. We pray that God will allow us to see God for ourselves–to see Jesus’s hands and side and feel his gaze and hear his voice–even if we are not included in the upper room, even if we are left out. As queer people, we seek a God who will encounter us in our lives, and it is an encounter that we often have to be bold in asking for.

The good news for Thomas–– and for us–– is that Jesus does not let that prayer go unanswered. Thomas is not left alone; Jesus appears to his disciples again, this time to say to Thomas: Hhere I am–see, feel, and believe. To queer Catholics, too, God responds to say: Here I am, see for yourself. God is present in our chosen families, in our vibrant self-presentations, in our joy and resilience, in our inclusive communities, and in our abiding hope. When we pray that God will reveal Godself anew to us, God provides an audacious response to our audacious question. 

Certainly, we are blessed when we believe though we have not seen. I believe that we are similarlylikewise blessed, like Thomas, when we have the audacity to ask that God make God’s presence abundantly clear and  the audacity to believe that our hope for encountering God will be realized. 

—Phoebe Carstens, New Ways Ministry, April 27, 2025