God’s Blessings Fall Into Open Hands

Today’s reflection is from Bondings 2.0 contributor Ariell Watson Simon.

Today’s liturgical readings for the 28th Sunday of Ordinary Time can be found here.

I remember vividly the mental calculations that preceded my public coming out. Which friends would I Iose? Which family members? What career paths would be barred to me? What would this mean for my ability to support myself working in ministry? During that anxious time, I counted the cost of what coming out would mean, and gradually made peace with what I was risking. While I hoped and prayed that my community would accept and support me, I had to prepare myself for loss. I was trading my social and professional security for the promise of an integrated life shared with my partner.

In today’s Gospel reading, Jesus encounters a person expressing sincere desire for spiritual fulfillment. The text tells us that this person has a lot going for him in terms of worldly riches. I imagine he entered the conversation with Jesus expecting an “atta boy” for his excellent religious and moral track-record.

But despite the man’s religious resume, Jesus tells him, “You are lacking one thing.” Curiously, Jesus does not say directly what that “one thing” is. Instead, Jesus seems to give instructions on how to obtain it: “Go, sell what you have, and give to the poor and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.” Whatever this “one thing” is, it is something that can only be obtained by trading in what one has, and by reinvesting in the kin-dom of God.

This theme of trading worldly goods for eternal goods echoes the first reading from the book of Wisdom, which proclaims a desire for wisdom, even at the cost of luxuries and power. Taken together, these readings suggest that the only way to obtain spiritual fulfillment is to let go of everything else.

In my work as a chaplain, I often use the image of each worldly blessing as an object, held in the palm of the hand. If I close my fingers, clasping tightly, my hand is no longer open to receive anything else. God is waiting to offer the greater gift of abundant, eternal life, but I have no room to grasp while my fist is clenched. I imagine that this is why scripture says of the rich man that “Jesus, looking at him, loved him.” Jesus lovingly desired to bless this person, but knew that he had no room to accept the blessing of eternal life, because his heart was clinging too tightly to the good things of this world.

The process of coming out showed me which things I was grasping most tightly, and slowly taught me to let go of them. Indeed, the only way to make space for God’s abundant grace is to unwrap my fingers and hold the things of this world – my relationships, my bank account, my job, and my reputation – with an open hand.

Of course, coming out never really ends. Whether I’m outing myself to the checkout clerk at the grocery store or a new supervisor at work, I always carry in the back of my mind the same question: What might I lose? We work and pray toward a world where coming out as LGBTQ+ does not entail a sense of personal risk. However, in the world in which I live today, every coming out brings some risk of reputation, connections, or even safety. With each coming out, I loosen my grasp on these things and in turn find greater spiritual freedom.

Looking back on those mental calculations associated with my first coming out, I can see that many of the relationships and goals that I was willing to risk were not ultimately jeopardized. I held them with an open hand, and there they remained. I feel like God gave them back to me, and that I have a healthier perspective on them for being willing to let them go.

Other “goods” that I risked by coming out were in fact snatched away. Like so many of my LGBTQ+ siblings, I have lost friends, family connections, job opportunities – and more than a little sleep! – to homophobia. Yet when I think of those losses, I find the words of Christ echoing in my mind:

“Amen, I say to you, there is no one who has given up house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands for my sake and for the sake of the gospel who will not receive a hundred times more now in this present age: houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and eternal life in the age to come.” (Mark 10)

I experience the first fruits of this promise when I look around at my life today, full of family and chosen family, meaningful work, and fulfilling ministry. In those initial calculations I made before coming out, I did not foresee these unexpected blessings.

I am also still learning to give away other goods more freely for the sake of others. For example, coming out has taught me to be freer in risking my reputation for the sake of a good cause. Just as Jesus invited the rich man to share his wealth with those who were materially poor, my faith calls me to leverage my privilege as a white, cisgender person to amplify the voices of more marginalized members of our community.

Perhaps that “one thing” the rich man lacked was freedom – the freedom that comes from knowing what is most valuable in life, and to be willing to walk away from everything else. Freedom is the unexpected gift that coming out has given to my spiritual life. I pray that each of us may continue to live into the risk of authenticity, and grow in freedom with each coming out. May we trust the blessings of God that fall into open hands.

—Ariell Watson Simon (she/her), New Ways Ministry, October 13, 2024