Nigerian Lesbian Details Her Life’s Journey from Opus Dei to Queer Love

“I would not even say I left [my sexuality] on the backseat, no. I locked it in the trunk and tied heavy boulders on the trunk to make sure it never showed,” says Awele, a Nigerian-born lesbian woman, of her attitude toward her sexuality while she discerned a vocation to vowed celibacy within the Catholic Church.

In Fair Planet, Awele shared her experience growing up within the Opus Dei movement in Africa, moving to the United States, and eventually marrying her wife.

Awele was raised in a Catholic family in Nigeria, who introduced her to Opus Dei, a conservative movement within the Roman Catholic Church. At age 17, Awele became involved in an Opus Dei center while studying at university. According to the article, she was drawn to Opus Dei teaching because of the movement’s emphasis on ordinary sanctity:

“This Catholic group taught laypeople that they could attain sainthood by loving God and dedicating the most mundane, ordinary aspects of their lives to him. To Awele, it sounded ideal: a life of living, loving God, working hard and ultimately attaining sainthood. It embodied everything her Catholic upbringing had instilled in her.”

Inspired by this vision of a life devoted to God, Awele discerned a vocation to celibacy. She investigated living a celibate life within Opus Dei, as well as becoming a religious sister.

Awele’s late teenage years were marked by depression, as she became increasingly aware of her sexuality and of the homophobia surrounding her. LGBTQ+ Nigerians were under intense scrutiny at the time, after the Same-Sex Marriage (Prohibition) Act (SSMPA) was signed into law in 2014. Awele guarded the secret of her sexuality out of fear that she would disappoint and shame her family.

“I realized that I was gay after I had decided to live a life of celibacy at 17 because of this new-learnt feeling of God’s love for me,” Awele recalls. “I was afraid of what this could mean for me when I died if I were to act on it. So out of fear of sinning against God, either because of my sexuality or because of sexual kinks, I was beginning to see that I may have, I held even more tightly to what I thought was my vocation,” she says.

As Awele investigated what it would look like to commit to a celibate life, she became concerned about giving up her freedom. “If I was going to promise in a letter to the prelate that I would live a life of celibacy, surrendering my freedom and finances completely to them, I needed to know what would happen if I changed my mind at any point down the line,” she says. Awele recalls that the director of the local Opus Dei center dismissed her concerns, saying, “You don’t think about divorce when you are getting married.”

Disillusioned, Awele left the Opus Dei center. She continued studying finance at university, and then she moved to the United States to pursue a master’s degree. While in the U.S., she began dating women and coming to terms with her sexuality. She eventually met “Ruby.”

Years after she had resolved to live a celibate life, Awele considered both her sexuality and marriage differently. Her experience in the Opus Dei movement had taught her about God’s love; now, she had learned self-love and the love of partnership. “Two years into my relationship with [Ruby], I knew it would be an utterly wicked thing to do to myself if I did not marry someone who loved me like this,” Awele says.

Awele and Ruby are now happily married, with the support of Ruby’s family. Awele has not shared this news with most of her own family in Nigeria. Her parents know Ruby as her housemate and friend. After Awele told her sisters about her marriage, one of them cut off contact with her. “On one hand, it breaks my heart – but then also I know that she is wrong, so I let her be,” Awele says of her sister.

Still, she dreams of one day coming out to her entire family. “I will tell them as soon as possible because I do not believe the kind of love I have with my wife should stay a secret,” she says, adding:

“Moreover, if I can be okay with them being straight and if I can entertain stories of family members who do not have perfect marriages or families, I am sure they will find a way to entertain my superbly lovely marriage.”

—Ariell Watson Simon (she/her) , New Ways Ministry, June 22, 2024