There Is No “Other” in the Family of God

Sr. Jane Aseltyne, IHM

Today’s post is from guest contributor Sr. Jane Aseltyne, IHM. Sr. Jane is in first vows with the Sisters, Servants of the Immaculate Heart of Mary of Monroe, Michigan. She holds an MA in Systematic Theology and Spirituality from the Catholic Theological Union at Chicago. Her master’s thesis entitled, “Beyond the Binary: Expanding Understandings of the Imago Dei,” seeks to develop a more inclusive understanding of what it means to be made in the image and likeness of God, particularly concerning gender and sexual orientation.

Today’s liturgical readings for the 10th Sunday of Ordinary Time are available here.

For many of us LGBTQ+ persons, the coming out journey is not linear, nor is it a one-and-done deal. It is continuous. Moments of clarity–the feeling of finally being able to name oneself and embrace an identity that may have long been buried–alternate with moments of fear—wondering if those we tell will still love us as we are. And there are quiet moments – where we sit with our God and allow ourselves to be loved by the One who created us as we are.

In my own coming-out journey, I remember these types of moments very clearly. For years, I stayed in the shadows of the closet, afraid to crack open the door to let the light in. I worried that if I did come out, I would be rejected, called a sinner, and looked at differently. But what overpowered the fear of negative reactions was a desire to show the world who I am and have always been.

The second reading at today’s liturgy reminds me of a coming out journey, like my own and those of others I have walked with. Paul says, “that the one who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and place us with you in his presence. Therefore, we are not discouraged; rather, although our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.” He goes on to say that “what is seen is transitory, but what is unseen is eternal.” This notion of an inner disposition of renewal and right relationship with oneself and God reveals that the journey unfolding within each of us is to be held sacred, even when things are difficult.

For LGBTQ+ Catholics, the inner struggle for authenticity can sometimes be intense. We have internalized homophobia, and we must navigate a Church and culture that still struggles to fully accept us and see us through the eyes of God. Sometimes, we question whether or not certain spaces will be safe enough for us to show up as we are. We deal with clickbait headlines that in one moment declare Pope Francis as an inclusive LGBTQ+ advocate and in the next suggest he possibly used a homophobic slur. While headlines can be misleading and often do not tell the whole story, the emotional impact of this push and pull can be challenging. It highlights the reality that we exist in a world that has a lot of thoughts and opinions on what it means to be gay and Catholic.

As queer persons, we often find ourselves having to filter out the exterior rhetoric so we can pay attention to what is stirring within, as Paul describes.

Paul also reminds us not to be discouraged because the One who raised Jesus from the dead will also raise us. The desire to live as God called us to live then fuels the renewal of our inner lives through prayer, community, and the continued fight for justice and inclusion. Jesus pushed the boundaries of inclusion, as we see in the Gospel reading today when he challenged the traditional understandings of family.

In today’s gospel passage, we read that when Jesus’ mother and brothers find him teaching in front of the crowd, he does not readily welcome them with open arms. Instead, when notified of their arrival, he asks, “Who are my mother and brothers?” I’m sure this question stunned some who were there with Jesus. He is essentially asking, who is close to me in relationship? Who is there for me? Who understands me? Who can I trust? Who shares in my life and mission and vision to bring about the reign of God?

In the queer community, we often talk about “chosen family.” While a chosen family may look different for everyone, generally speaking it is made up of those whose love and support are unwavering regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. For some queer folks, we have both a chosen family and a loving and accepting origin family into which we were born. For others, a chosen family may be the central support system when one’s family of origin is not a safe space.

As Jesus reveals, there is no “other” in the family of God. Everyone has a place at the table. God is the one who calls us to be our authentic selves and wants us to live in God’s light as the beautiful beings God created us to be. United in mission with Jesus, we can enter difficult spaces knowing that the God within us loves and guides us, holding and loving us as we navigate the complexities of a polarized world. God will raise us up. My hope for us, especially during this Pride month, is that we make space for one another’s life experiences — that we listen, we learn, and we dream and work together for a more just world.

—Sr. Jane Aseltyne, IHM, June 9, 2024