Family and Parish In Conflict Over Ouster of Gay Youth

Peter Lanza, Jr., with his father, Peter Lanza, Sr.

Peter Lanza, Jr., a gay teenager, says his parish’s religious education program dismissed him from classroom instruction and assigned him to home-schooling because he is gay.  Rev. John Bambrick, the pastor of St. Aloysius parish in Jackson, New Jersey, said in a statement that reports that the teen was ” ‘kicked out’ of the program because of his sexual orientation are completely false.”

Who to believe?

In a Facebook statement, reported by The Asbury Park Press, the pastor said:

“There are times when any number of circumstances might warrant that a student should change from in-class instruction to home study … ranging from specific needs of the family to physical limitations of the student to disciplinary problems exhibited in class.

“However, no child has ever been required to change to home study due to sexual orientation. St. Aloysius Parish respects the dignity of all persons, without exception, and welcomes the opportunity to teach the faith to every Catholic who wishes to learn it.”

Yet, neither the pastor nor anyone else from the parish will comment further on the matter.

According to a second article in The Asbury Park PressLanza had already been transferred from one religious education classroom, but that something changed in December:

“Lanza said a school official told him a parent called and said she was uncomfortable with him being in her child’s class.

“Less than 24 hours later, Lanza said, there was a different phone call, this time to Lanza’s parents: The Rev. John Bambrick suggested that Lanza be home-schooled, according to Lanza’s father.

“No reason was given for the teen’s removal, the Lanzas said, nor was there any mention of the purported complaint from another parent. The Lanzas say It was only after lawyers got involved that a ‘behavioral issue’ was referenced, though the church has never offered a further explanation.”

Lanza, Sr. believes that the parent who complained is the same one who last summer referred to his son as an “ugly queer.”

Marianne Duddy-Burke, executive director of DignityUSA, a national organization of LGBT Catholics, criticized the pastor’s handling of the situation:

“We really need church officials to stand up to this kind of message. You’d think that, at a minimum, the priest or CCD teacher would say, ‘we need to be treating each other with respect.’ Pulling a kid out of CCD class doesn’t sound very respectful.”

It is hard to know who to believe in this situation.  The pastor has not been forthcoming with information. The family considered a lawsuit, though Lanza, Sr. said that he is not likely to do so since the church seems immune.  Often, when a legal case is considered, institutional leaders become reticent.

Pastors have a responsibility to be pastors.  While the possibility that this youth was moved out of a religious education classroom because he is gay is odious, what is even more troublesome is that the pastor will not speak honestly with a parishioner, or with the press.  The silence of the pastor, even with the youth’s parents, will lead many to believe that he is hiding something, whether he is or not.

But the pastor’s responsibility goes beyond being more forthcoming. If the accusations harassment by the Lanza family are even remotely true, the pastor has a responsibility to look into this matter.  Parishioners should not be allowed to bully other parishioners.

Regardless of what the precipitating cause of this situation was, what is apparent now is that a pastor and a family of the parish are at loggerheads.  What seems to be needed most in this parish is reconciliation.  While the Trenton Diocese has stated that this is a parish issue, and so will not comment or become involved, the seriousness of this situation requires that they do intervene.  The pastoral harm that this family is experiencing, whether real or imagined, and the division this can cause the parish require that an outside religious organization become involved with healing.

Francis DeBernardo, New Ways Ministry, March 16, 2017

Related articles: “Kicked out of class for being gay?” “Church denies Jackson teen was ‘kicked out’ of CCD because he’s gay”

New Ways Ministry’s Eighth National Symposium, Justice and Mercy Shall Kiss: LGBT Catholics in the Age of Pope Francis, is scheduled for April 28-30, 2017, Chicago, Illinois. Plenary speakers:  Lisa Fullam, Leslie Griffin, Rev. Bryan Massingale, Frank Mugisha. Prayer leaders:  Bishop Thomas Gumbleton, Bishop John Stowe, OFM, Conv.  Pre-Symposium Retreat Leader:  Sr. Simone Campbell, SSS.  For more information and to register, visit


0 replies
  1. John Hilgeman
    John Hilgeman says:

    Bishops intervene in parishes all the time, assigning and removing pastors, and opening and closing churches, and telling parish schools what they can and cannot do. The bishop can certainly intervene in this situation to try to resolve things.

    • Friends
      Friends says:

      Absolutely correct, John. The diocesan bishop is ducking away from both his pastoral and his administrative responsibilities by refusing to get involved. It reminds me of the old military aphorism: “No guts…no glory.” Bishops are supposed to set examples of positive Christian leadership, under the guiding principle of: “What Would Jesus Do?”. If the young man had been disruptive by misbehavior in class. there might be some room for a discussion of alternatives. But if the bishop considers the boy to be disruptive “per se”, through the alleged status offense of merely being gay, then the fault and the responsibility to fix this wrongful exclusion devolve fully upon the bishop…not upon the student.

  2. Thomas
    Thomas says:

    How terribly Christian of the school. And I mean terribly. Isn’t odd that there are known cases of bishops covering for, or reassigning priests for inappropriate behaviors, and yet there is no defense of a kid in a Catholic school. To suggest he be home schooled is to imply he is unworthy
    of respect and compassion. The complaining parent who felt uncomfortable is the one who should have been told to get a grip..

  3. Wilhelm Wonka
    Wilhelm Wonka says:

    Surely justice demands that Peter be given a right of appeal, in case the decision to bar him from that class was unjust.

    There is something fishy about the pastor’s behaviour. Even if he acted in good faith, his not being forthcoming will create (and, obviously, is already creating) the perception that something unhelpful to school authorities is being held back. (Is someone’s reputation being protected?) Perception can sometimes do as much damage as reality, so the pastor, if he is wise, will disclose ALL facts pertinent to this matter.

    As for that alleged insult (‘ugly queer’), nonsense! He’s a handsome fellow.

  4. Jeanne, RSM
    Jeanne, RSM says:

    Why wasn’t the student who was uncomfortable, according to his/her mother the one who was pulled and home schooled? Is it the mother or the child who was uncomfortable? Shame on the pastor and other parents who did not speak out in support of the gay student!


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